2 Samuel 13

2 Samuel 13. I wish I didn't have to do these chapters. I really don't. Do you guys remember in the last couple of weeks ago, because we took last Wednesday off, we showed the Joel Rosenberg video. But a couple of weeks ago, when David was confronted with his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba, and then his complicity in putting to death her husband using an enemy sure. But David was culpable. You'll remember one of the things the Lord said through the prophet Nathan, He said to him, “The sword will not depart from your house.” (2 Samuel 12:10) And that's never a good thing to hear the Lord say. And basically what it means is there will be a violent element that will enter into your family; into the closest confines of your family. And that element of violence is not going to depart. He says, “The sword will not depart.” So what David had to look forward to, and obviously I say that tongue in cheek, is the stuff that we're going to be looking at in these chapters, and the chapters to follow. And it begins by saying in verse 1,

(ESV) And I'm not pronouncing that right. It would be Tamar. They don't really have that long a sound typically on names, but I'm probably going to say Tamar, so just excuse me. You probably don't care. Here's the deal. Absalom and Tamar are both known, and it is mentioned in the Scripture. They're known for their physical beauty. They were both, she was beautiful. He was impeccably handsome. In fact, later on, he'll have a daughter, naming his daughter after his sister. And she too will be known as a great beauty. It runs in the family. By the way, they shared the same mother. Their mother was Maacah and she was of royal blood. She was literally a princess of the Aramean, a small Aramean kingdom called, Geshur. And it was an area that was near where we know today of the Sea of Galilee. But David most likely married Maacah to establish a peace bond with Geshur. They would do that. They would take one of the daughters of this king as a peace treaty sort of a thing to say, we're now family. We're not going to attack you. Well, anyway, David obviously had children with this woman and Absalom was a son that he had with her. And Tamar was a daughter that he had with her. And there you go. And it says here at the end of verse 1, that “…after a time Amnon, David's son, loved her.” Meaning Tamar. What we have here is now Amnon, who is a son of David, by a different woman, but he is looking upon his half-sister with eyes of love. At least, that's what he thinks. We're going to find out into the chapter that it's not love at all, and we'll find out why. But this is a forbidden love and it's forbidden because God's Word forbade it. And I won't, we won't take time to turn there, but if you want to make a note of it. Leviticus chapter 18 very specifically forbade a man from taking the daughter of his father by another woman. And then it went on to talk about other relationships equally as close, but they were forbidden. This is a forbidden situation. Amnon knew it. Everybody knew it, but he felt what he felt. And honestly, people, sometimes you can't change the way you feel can you. But if you're going to live in the United States of America in 2015, you're going to find a real struggle with your feelings because everything you've learned from the world tells you that when you feel something, you can't help it, but you just walk it out, or play it out. I feel it. Remember back in the years ago, I used to play songs on the radio that would say, it can't be wrong if it feels so right. Right? That's a lyric that came out in a song back in the 70s. And in fact, it was sung by a gal who today is a very strong believer in Jesus, but unfortunately, it was a very worldly sentiment that we all sang over and over again, while this song went to number 1 on the charts. And we, and it's in grand, I'm not suggesting that it's a song that made us think that way. It's our sinful nature that makes us, but this reinforced it, you see. It can't be wrong if it feels so right. See, if I feel this, it must be a right thing. Here's Amnon who has these strong emotional feelings for his half-sister, but he's forbidden by the Word of God to do anything about it. It goes on and it says, because of that, look at verse 2. It says, “ And Amnon was so tormented (in fact, so much so) that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her.”

He was stuck! The Word of the Lord forbade this and he is just, he feels like, I mean, she just is consuming his thoughts. It's just Tamar, this. And they even kept the women back then. The virgin royal daughters would be largely kept from men, including relatives, male relatives. They would sequester these girls for their own safety. But obviously there were times they got together as a family and Amnon saw this girl and she was drop dead gorgeous. And he not only took a liking to her, but he had these strong emotional feelings. And it says that he longed for her so much “that he made himself ill” over it. That's pretty strong, sort of emotional stuff going on, but look at verse 3. It says, “But Amnon had a friend, (and that word, we're going to see, is going to be used fairly loosely) whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, (and by the way, that is) David's brother. (Shammah mentioned elsewhere)” But given the name Shimeah here. And they often did that. They had different names, different pronunciations depending but it's basically Amnon's cousin, okay. But look what it says about Jonadab. It says, he “… was a very crafty man.” By the way, whenever the Bible says somebody is crafty, it doesn't mean that they would make little neat paper airplanes or take origami paper and make dragons. This kind of crafty, and by the way, it's not the same word that is in some Bibles translated crafty concerning Satan. But it's a word that is used in a negative connotation to say, sly. Somebody who can figure out ways to weasel into something or into where they shouldn't be, right? “And (so this) Jonadab (this cousin of Amnon) was a …crafty man.” And Amnon didn't need a friend like that, and you don't either. Have you ever met somebody like that? They're just crafty? Have you ever, have you found the last thing I need Is somebody to give me excuses to fulfill the lusts of the flesh. And that's what we're going to find out that this Jonadab guy does. And people will come along sometimes and they'll provide that role of finding a way for you to do what you shouldn't do. And they will fancy themselves as a friend of yours. Let me tell you how to get this thing done. And we don't need those kinds of people. I can usually figure out all kinds of ways to get into trouble by myself. But anyway, it says that “4 And he said (to the king)…, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister.” Now stop there.

If Jonadab would have been a real friend, he would have said to him right there. Oh, that's a tough one there, buddy because you know that she's your half-sister. You'll notice that Amnon refers to her as “Absalom's sister.” And he does that because she's a full sister to Absalom. But notice he says, “my brother Absalom's sister.” Now let's think that through for just a moment. If Absalom is your brother, and she is his sister, then she's your sister. But when lust wants to have its way, it will find ways to redefine what I'm actually facing. And that's exactly what he does. I'm in love with “my brother Absalom's sister.” You mean your sister. Well, if you want to define it that way. You see, we'll find ways to redefine. We're still doing that today, aren't we? Look at the sin that our culture has redefined. We've taken things that the Bible calls one thing that very clearly is a sin and culturally, societally, it's been redefined to take away the stigma that it's anything contrary to God's will. It's a condition, right? It's not a sin. It's a condition. You can't help it. This whole idea of redefining sin has been going on for an awfully long time. He goes on, Jonadab being the crafty man that he is. Verse 5, “Jonadab said to him, (all right here, let me tell you, let me give you a little plan here, buddy) “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, (just) say to him, (hey, I’m really sick) ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’”” And that'll be really good. Otherwise, I don't think I can eat a thing. But if she gives it to me, I think I might be able to find the strength to eat it. Amnon thought that's a pretty good idea. “6 So… (he) lay down and pretended to be ill. And when the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Please let my sister Tamar come and make a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” David should have at this point said, you big wimp, what are you talking about? David surprises me, “7 Then David sent home to Tamar, (and he said) saying, “Go to your brother Amnon's house and prepare food for him.” I read this verse. You know what? I got to tell you something. I feel like screaming. I read this verse and I want to just go, no! David, what were you thinking? Boy, if you ever needed a little discernment. Now is the time, right? Seriously, you need your sister to come and bake some bread in your room and eat it from her hand. And that's the only way you're going to be better. Yeah, David should have seen this one coming. David is the ruler of the people, right? He's the king. And as such, he presents himself as a judge for the various issues that are going on person to person. The judge was the supreme court of the land, he needed to walk in wisdom. He needed to walk in discernment to be able to look at a situation and say, that's bonk, that's ridiculous. That is ridiculous. What in the? But here's what we're seeing here people, is that David, because of some areas of weakness in his own character, personality, he's indulging his sons, even at the risk of his daughter. And you want to just ring his neck. You want to just say, David, what are you thinking? Protect your girl. It's not your boy that needs protection. It's your girl. And if you're absolutely convinced that Tamar and only Tamar can feed this guy, then make sure she has an armed guard when she comes into the room. Right? Because obviously they shouldn't be left alone at all. That would be ridiculous. So for him to send word to his daughter, and to put her in harm's way, to say, go to your brother Amnon, he needs some food. And by the way, he'd like you to bake it in his room, and feed him from your hand. He's not doing very well. Tough. Go get a doctor for the guy. It's just craziness. Well, and she's under orders from the king, right? Verse 8 says,

And by the way, that should have been Jonadab, his cousin. That should have been Jonadab when Amnon confessed to him, I'm in love with my sister Tamar. He should have said, buddy, don't do this outrageous thing. Don't even think about this outrageous thing. Today I think our culture would say, well, what are you going to do with those feelings though? We treat people today like dogs and cats that have a physical urge or impulse that they can't help. We don't even think of them as human beings that who can resist temptation. That's why we're handing out condoms at schools. They can't help themselves. What do you mean they can't help themselves? You think it's a dog that's gone into heat and just is obeying some physical urge that is just absolutely beyond their ability to resist. Are you kidding? Have you so divested human beings of their ability to choose and to reason through a situation and say, that's bad. I'm not going to do that today. We have that ability you guys. We have the ability to say, no! I'm not going to do that. Verse 13. She goes on speaking.

That last comment she made, she's probably grasping at straws here, because if David was going to follow the law, he would not have given Tamar to his son, because it was forbidden. It was forbidden in the law. But she's probably just saying whatever she can to hopefully stop what is going to, is the inevitable.

And you do know, don't you, that men have a 70 percent larger muscle mass than women. That's documented. And that's not across the board. There are girls that could take me down in a flash of an eye. But you know what I mean. By and large, the male has a larger muscle mass. It says,

Isn’t that incredible? Obviously what Amnon believed originally was love toward this girl was nothing but lust. How do we know that? Well, because true love would never violate another person's body just to satisfy my own selfish desires. As simple as that. True love waits. True love would wait. How many women have been duped into a physical relationship by the words of a young man saying, if you really loved me, you would do this with me. If she knows what she's talking about, her response would be, if you really loved me, you wouldn't ask. Bottom line. Unfortunately, most girls don't know that and they give in because they want to be loved. Of course, who doesn't? They want to be shown love and they believe that if they allow that to happen, there's going to be a greater bond of love between them. Unfortunately, what often happens is what we see here. Maybe not to the extent, maybe not to the extent of this situation. I this is pretty radical. But ultimately, when a man like this, who is in lust, not in love, gets what he wants, he's going to move on, right? He got what he wanted. I'm going to move on. And it's just sad to see this happen over and over again. But listen, this is a man who asks a woman to do this outside of the confines of a commitment of marriage is not showing love for her. Listen, ladies, he's showing love for self. Okay? He is not showing love for her. He's showing love for self. He's communicating in no uncertain terms. I love my self. He's not saying that of course, but that is what he is showing. And that's what's happening here. And now this lust has turned to hatred. Verse 16 goes on, “But she said to him, “No, my brother, (now she's responding to him telling her to get out. No, my brother,) for this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her.” In fact, it says in verse 17, “He called the young man who served him and said, “Put this woman out of my presence and bolt the door after her.” If your Bible does have the word, woman in there, you might be interested to find out that in the text, the word woman isn't actually in the Hebrew. It is much more of an impersonal word and it is more like Amnon was saying, get this thing out of here. Okay? He's using a much more impersonal term than a personal pronoun. It says in verse 18, “Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, (which was common) for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.

“20 And her brother Absalom said to her,…” She obviously went to her brother’s Absalom’s house and according to culture, it was his responsibility to protect her, take her in as a full brother. Of course she should have gone to her dad, but she didn't. “20 And (it says) her brother Absalom said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you?” He knows right away and that’s a little suspect too but he immediately suspects Amnon, which tells you that he knew something was up. He could see it in Amnon's eyes whenever they got together and the girls were also in the room, he saw something in Amnon's look toward Tamar. And he knew that something was up. And so you can see that there's an element of Absalom that should have also been a little more proactive in the protection of his sister. But he says to her, “Now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother; do not take this to heart.” So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom's house.” And by the way, you use that word a lot, desolate. She “…lived, a desolate woman.” I don't know if that's the word that's used in your Bible if you have a different translation. But I thought just for the heck of it I'd look up desolate and see what it says. In the dictionary when it says she lived a desolate woman it means in a state of bleak and dismal emptiness, or how about this? It means depressingly empty or bare. And that's really defined her life from that point on. Depressingly empty and bare, because Amnon stole those things from her. Verse 21, it doesn't get any better. In fact, it keeps getting worse. It says, “When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.” Now you expect the next verse to say, so David did something about it, right? But it doesn't. David didn't do anything about it. He didn't discipline Amnon in any capacity. Just says he got angry. What good is your anger going to be if you don't do anything about this thing? If you don't bring some kind of justice to this situation. And we're not sure why David didn't do anything about it, but there's a good chance that he remembered something about some of the prophecies that were given to him, and he's beginning to feel, or feeling at this time, that weight of guilt, like this is my fault. And when that happens, Christians, can I just speak to you about guilt for a minute? When we relive our past in a way that causes guilt, it becomes a paralysis for acting in the future. And particularly as a parent, when you know that you lived a life that you shouldn't have lived, and now you have children. And they're beginning to take some of the same footsteps that you took when you were in your younger years, it's a very common thing to say, I guess I can't really be the person that judges because I did those things when I was their age. People, that's paralysis by guilt, and you know what? That is a recipe for a train wreck when it comes to parenting. If you're going to make the standard of your home, your own past mistakes, what are you going to do? You're going to let your kids just head down the same road you did. You know what one of the things our kids like to say to us? Because sometimes we're a little bit free telling them about our past. Some of the mistakes that we did make. It's not uncommon for your kids to grow up and say, well, mom or dad, you did it. Boy, I learned how to respond to that one. I come back right away and I say, that doesn't make it right. And my job as a parent is to save you from the heartache and the pain that my stupid actions caused. I was a fool and that's why I did that. And I have tried to raise you not to be a fool. So don't look at me and say to me while you're wagging your finger in front of my face, you did it dad. Yeah, maybe I did, but I'm going to, I'm going to do my level best to save you from the foolishness that I myself committed. My mistakes, your mistakes cannot be the standard of what we expect from our children. They cannot be. We have to raise the standard to God's Word. We have to raise the standard to real true righteousness. I am not the standard of righteousness. I cannot be the standard of righteousness in my home. And we can't allow guilt over our past mistakes to overcome our sense of right and wrong in the present, to say, well, sort of a thing. I think that's what's happening with David. I really do. I think he's I think he's so overcome with just the remembrance of what he did, the things, the and the violations. We have to expect better. And it's not hypocritical to expect better out of your children than what you did. Don't let anybody tell you that. I think you're a hypocrite because you wanted something your kids. You want something out of your kids that you didn't ever achieve. That's not hypocritical. It's called good parenting. We freely confess the things that we've done in our past. We freely confess that they were wrong. We don't want our kids to do that same sort of thing. Verse 22 says, “But Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had violated his sister Tamar.” The reason that Absalom isn't saying anything about it is because he's already planning his revenge. He just knew he needed to be patient. There's nothing more dangerous than a seething anger that just waits for its time to attack. How much time? Look at verse 23. I want you just to look at the first 4 words of verse 23. It says, “After two full years…” That's a very important phrase. Give me your attention just for a moment. We will keep reading. I promise. But this is a very important statement in the text, because what it tells you is that “After two full years,” Absalom is eventually going to carry out his revenge. But what that tells you, without telling you, is that in two full years, David did nothing. And I have no doubt about the fact that Absalom, probably at first, hoped that his father was going to do something about this situation. He was the king after all. It was in his power to act. It was his responsibility as a father to act and protect his daughter even after this terrible thing. But he did not do it. Two full years. So think about this. Absalom has been seething in a kind of a passive aggressive sort of a way, just seething with anger because dad did nothing. It's been this quiet anger toward his brother that is now, and probably resentment toward his dad, but has now arisen to a place in his life where it is given birth to murderous thoughts. Let's now read the verse again. Verse 23,

And there's nothing uncommon about that. Sheep shearing time was a time, as we've said before, of great feasting and revelry because this was a time when you're basically getting paid. And your income, and so forth. The king's sons had land and flocks and things like that. “24 And (it says that) Absalom came to the king and said, “Behold, your servant has sheepshearers. (and David would have known what that meant, so he says) Please let the king and his servants go with your servant.” In other words, he's inviting his dad. He's saying, we're going to have a big feast because it's a happy time so why don't you come? Why don't you come to my party? You and all of your people. And that's a big thing to invite the king because that's a lot of people that would come along. “25 But the king said to Absalom, “No, my son, let us not all go, lest we be burdensome to you.” (but it says) He pressed him, but he would not go but gave him his blessing. 26 Then Absalom said, “If not, please let my brother Amnon go with us.” And the king said to him, “Why should he go with you?” 27 But Absalom pressed him until he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with him.” And you kind of thinking again here, you know, why wouldn't David have the discernment to say, okay, that's weird to ask Amnon to go, but it really wasn't. Here's why. You got to remember something about Amnon, and I really haven't mentioned this up to this point. Amnon's the firstborn, and as the firstborn, everybody's going to expect that he's the crown prince. That's just an expectation. Now we know that didn't take place, but that was the expectation. And first of all, Absalom says to his dad, hey, we're going to be doing a big feast because it's sheepshearing time, I'd love you to come. And his dad goes no, no, son, we would put a great feast on the table for you to feed all of, everybody who's going to come with me. That's way too much. But then Absalom says, well, how about Amnon? He's the crown prince. Remember, he's basically just going down a notch. If the king can't come, how about the crown prince? Let him come. In other words, let him come and honor me. It's a feast time. I want to honor him. I want to, I want him to rejoice with me. It wasn't really something that would have tipped David off, especially after David had been invited himself. Now, you might say to yourself, wait a minute, what if David had said, okay we'll meet you there. Yeah, we'll come. Thanks for the invite. We'll be there. Well, Absalom wouldn't have been able to carry out anything against his brother Amnon, would he? That's okay. That's alright. Amnon's willing to wait. He's a patient man. I'll just wait. But see, he's putting his father off for thinking that there is any issue with this, because he invited his dad first. Dave come and join us, dad. No. Oh please come, dad. No, we can't, it'd be a burden to you. Dad, come on, you, I'd love to have you be there. Son, listen, it would be a burden to you. Okay, all right. Well, how about, the crown prince and all his, and all the rest of the brothers? Why do you want Amnon to come? Well, it's a feast time. We want to just, we want to share in our joy. Okay. Send an invite to your brother. Sure, what the heck? All right. Verse 28, “Then Absalom commanded his servants, (here’s what he said to them)“Mark (this guys) when Amnon's heart is merry with wine, (in other words, he’s drunk) and when I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon,’ then kill him. Do not fear; have I not commanded you? Be courageous and be valiant.”” Yeah, nothing courageous or valiant about this. Striking a drunk man down. “29 So the servants of Absalom did to Amnon as Absalom had commanded. (so they killed Amnon and) Then all the king's sons arose, (obviously quiet panicked) and each mounted his mule and fled.” Why would they flee? Well, because in those days, sometimes, well, keep in mind, Absalom killed Amnon who was the crown prince in theory. Absalom was next in line for the throne. They would have easily thought, well, there's a coup. He's just going to kill all the king's sons. There's nobody standing in his way to possibly kill him and take the throne. This is a power move. And so they hopped on their donkeys. Doesn't that just conjure up strange pictures? Can you see these guys just riding their donkeys and trying to get out of there fast? I mean, this is not a Lamborghini. Okay. It's a donkey. I don't know if you've ridden a donkey. Anyway doesn't bring up, conjure up pictures of the greatest transportation mode known to man, but, oh well. And “30 While they were on the way, news came to David, (as news often is, quite stretched)“Absalom (they’re telling David, Absalom) has struck down all the king's sons, and not one of them is left.” (isn’t that great news) 31 Then the king arose and tore his garments and lay on the earth. And all his servants who were standing by tore their garments. 32 But Jonadab (now remember who Jonadab is? He's the guy who gave Amnon advice to pretend he was sick. This guy is a slippery, slimy creature sort of a guy. He goes he's) the son of Shimeah, (or Shammah) David's brother, (he says) said, “Let not my lord suppose that they have killed all the young men, the king's sons, for Amnon alone is dead. For by the command of Absalom this has been determined from the day he violated his sister Tamar.” Oh and by the way, I gave Amnon the idea to do that. But you know, that's all right. He doesn't say anything about that, does he? He's not saying, I was the one who put it the thought in his head. “33 Now therefore let not my lord the king so take it to heart as to suppose that all the king's sons are dead, for Amnon alone is dead.” 34 But Absalom fled. And the young man who kept the watch lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, many people were coming from the road behind him by the side of the mountain. 35 And Jonadab said to the king, “Behold, the king's sons have come; as your servant said, so it has come about.” 36 And as soon as he had finished speaking, behold, the king's sons came and lifted up their voice and wept. And the king also and all his servants wept very bitterly. 37 But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. (that’s his mother’s father, that’s his grandfather) And David mourned for his son day after day. 38 So Absalom fled and went to Geshur, and was there three years. 39 And the spirit of the king longed to go out to Absalom, because he was comforted about Amnon,…" Okay. Let's talk about what could have been done differently here in the time that we have left. Listen, I know they often say that hindsight is 2020, but it can be beneficial. And I'm not the kind of person that wants to go to somebody when they're down and say, you should have done that differently. But when we look at this situation and we see what could have been done differently to avoid all of this pain and heartache? A lot of it centers around David himself. I mean, think about it. Had David not committed adultery with Bathsheba and arranged the murder of Uriah the Hittite, this whole sword entering his home wouldn't have happened. Okay, number 1. Number 2, David's parenting could have been greatly improved. He was not a good dad from the standpoint of really truly being on top of what was going on with his kids. He lacked discernment and he gave into his boys way too much. We're going to see that even in the coming chapters. Even I mean when Amnon committed this crime, he did nothing against him. When Absalom murdered Amnon, which we see at the end of this chapter, we're going to find out he doesn't go to punish Absalom either. In fact, pardons him, pardons him for murder. So now we've got rape and murder going on and nothing being done about it. David could have improved a lot there. As I said before, his discernment could have been better as it relates to Amnon's request to have his sister come in and attend to his needs. And it certainly could have been better when Absalom requested Amnon to come to the feast and so forth. Even though it wasn't completely out of order for that to happen. Still, still, he knew that Amnon raped Absalom's sister. He knew that. And then David should have brought swift justice in this situation. But as we end here today, I want to just suggest to you that we all have something in common with Absalom. We are all adult children. Well, most of us are adults, of fallible parents, are we not? I mean, all of our parents made some pretty significant mistakes. Some more than others, but we have all dealt with parents who made mistakes in our lives. And it's so easy to look at the mistakes that our parents have made. And I have no doubt that Absalom looked at 2 years of nothing being done toward the crime that was committed against his sister. And I have no doubt in my mind that resentment turned to bitterness, and that bitterness turned to a seething murderous rage over that two year period of time for Absalom because of David's inactivity and unwillingness to do what he should have done. I have no doubt about that. But the fact of the matter is, we've all been disappointed by our parents, in one way or another. And those of us who have raised children to adulthood, we've disappointed our kids, right? We are all together children of fallible parents. And like I said, I think Absalom just seethed with anger over his father's inactivity about this situation, and it made him very bitter. But here's what we need to understand about this issue of becoming bitter over somebody else's mistakes. It takes something in us to become bitter. And what it takes is a blindness toward our own sinfulness. For me to look at my parents and to say, I'm angry at you for the things that you did or didn't do in my life, requires me to be blind about my own sinful behavior. Remember what Jesus said about looking at the speck in your brother's eye? You have to look past the log in your own to even see that speck. And yet we don't find that to be a problem. Looking past the log in my eye, not a problem. I can handle that. And I can see very clearly to see the speck in somebody else's eye because I am so adept at looking past my own faults. And rather than looking at my own life and say, you know what, I have the same sinful nature. I have the same potential and I've made some similar grievous mistakes. Instead of doing that, we tend to focus our attention. I mean like a microscope on the issues and the problems that our parents have committed. That's the first thing it takes. And the other thing for you and I as Christians that it takes for us to focus on the problems of our parents is that we have to forget the cross. We literally have to forget the cross to do that. We have to forget that Jesus died on the cross to save us from our sin, and it was my sin that put him there. I have to forget that. I have to set that aside in order to focus on your sin. So you see, this is kind of like a double whammy on our part. This is a double situation that is very dangerous for you and I. And the New Testament talks about being very careful that a bitter root doesn't grow up in our lives because bitterness will make you crazy. It will make you, it'll literally drive you insane. It'll make you do things that you wouldn't have thought of doing otherwise. But you have to understand that the overarching element of the thing that drives you and I to look at our parents and point the finger at them. The thing that causes us to ignore the cross that we are personally responsible for putting Jesus on that cross is pride. And pride leads to blindness. And blindness leads to a great many issues. Pride always blinds the eyes. Always. Always. Always. And it's human pride and it stinks. It really does. It stinks before God. And you and I need to be willing to admit it. And we just got to be able to say, you know what? That pride of mine stinks. It smells. It's like rotting flesh and it really has no place in the kingdom of God. And I need to repent. And if I've held things against my parents and become bitter about the mistakes they've made, Well, you know what? I need to repent. Maybe, see, I focused my life on the fact that they needed to repent. But the fact of the matter is, I do. I need to repent because of the attitude that I've carried in my heart. The attitude of bitterness and resentment toward my parents. That has caused me to be perhaps even worse as it relates to some of those areas of parenting. Some really important and rather sobering kinds of lessons that come out of this. I wish it was a little happier kind of a passage that we were dealing with here tonight but these are things that we need to address before the Lord. Because I'm here to tell you they will keep us from being the followers of Jesus that we were called to be. And unless we can jettison this baggage and bring it to the cross. Say, Jesus, I need you to forgive me. I've held things against my parents. I've held things against other people and I've allowed it to taint my heart. And that's a sickness. That's a sickness that'll just rot you from the inside out and won't do anybody any good. And it'll dog your relationships and just create all kinds of problems.